Does God Answer Prayer? You Bet He Does!

When I embarked on the search for my birth mother, just around this time twelve years ago, I had absolutely no way of knowing what doors would open. There were no warning labels, no flashing red lights, no “do not pass go” directions…all I had was that gut feeling that God was giving me permission to proceed.

But, I was scared. And yes, while I know we’re supposed to pray without ceasing, which means, well, all the time, sometimes I forget. I don’t pray in the grocery store before deciding which brand of toothpaste to buy. I don’t pray before I cross the street. I do pray when I’m sitting on an airplane, strapped in, listening to the sound of the engines building as we rumble down the tarmac. I do pray on the way down and each time we hit a bump. I pray when I’m in a car on a busy freeway. I pray when I’m scared. A lot. But this is all kind of beside the point. The point is, I embarked on this search believing God was behind my desire to search and I trusted Him to lead the way.

He did. My search ended about two weeks after it began. My journey did not. Unbeknownst to me, there were many miracles left to be revealed. Many mysteries to be solved. Many that wouldn’t be.

One of the biggest miracles on my journey was the discovery that I had a sister. I grew up as an only child and always wanted a sibling, so this was incredible news! But then I got scared again. I knew that she didn’t know about me, and I didn’t know how she’d react. I knew that my birth mother didn’t want to tell my sister about me, and I definitely knew how that would go down if I went ahead and did it anyway. Suffice to say, this was one of the most difficult, trying times in my life. I wanted more than anything to reach out to my sister, to see if there was a chance at a relationship, but I knew the time was not yet right.

And so I prayed.

Sometimes when you’re desperate, prayer is the only thing you can do.

It was one of those very surreal situations where, while I didn’t understand why, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was not meant to make contact with my sister. But every single bit of me wanted to. Deep down I just knew…I knew that we were meant to know each other. Creepy, weird, visionary, whatever you want to call it, it was definitely one of those you know that you know that you know things. But I also knew God was saying ‘wait’. And it sucked.

When God tells you to do something you don’t want to do, what do you do? 

Well, you can run like heck in the opposite direction. I’d already been there, done that, a few times in my life, so I kind of knew how that option would turn out. Or you can choose to be obedient. Having had the privilege of watching God work some amazing miracles in our lives just a few years prior, I figured obedience would be my best bet. So, I hung out and waited. For approximately fourteen months.

About halfway through that waiting period, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Out of desperation, I attempted to contact my sister via a letter. No response. I was crushed. And guilty because I’d gone ahead and done things on my own, knowing I wasn’t supposed to. So maybe she didn’t want to know me. And maybe that’s what I deserved.

I remember crying out to God one day, literally, in tears, asking him why. Why couldn’t I just pick up the phone and end this right now – I could even get on a plane and show up on my sister’s doorstep. I had all the information. I just didn’t have the permission.

Again, I was told no. But this time it was different. This time, in another surreal spiritual moment, I was given three very clear words.

Let. It. Go.

Say what? Oh, yeah. Right. Really?

Yes.

Once again, I knew I had to obey. You see, when you decide to get in the boat with God, when you decide to follow Him, fully trust Him with every ounce of faith you posses, it’s no longer about doing things your way. Faith is all about trusting. And believing. And knowing that the God you’ve chosen to claim as your Heavenly Father loves you beyond boundaries, beyond breaking point, and He will bring all things together for good. Always.

Not an easy concept to grasp, is it?

Well, I did let it go. I was miserable. Angry. And definitely not in possession of any real understanding of why things had worked out this way. But I got on with my life. I had to. I knew if I didn’t, the whole thing would just make me nuts.

But then something happened. Something so incredible, that to this day I can still feel it. Chills still race through me at the memory.

It was a Thursday. January 23rd, 2003. Around five thirty in the evening. We’d just come home from my daughter’s piano lesson. I went downstairs to check my emails before starting dinner. And that’s when my whole world changed.

There in my inbox sat an email from my sister. The heading?
Communication At Last.

She wanted to know me.

I can’t go into all the whys and hows and wherefores of what brought her to the point of writing that email at that particular time. Suffice to say, God’s timing is everything. While I was moaning and groaning and mourning things that would never be, God was working. Creating circumstances and lining up facts and putting things into place that would prepare us for this moment. Far be it for me to question the mind of God.

All I can tell you is this.

God gives and God takes away. God answers prayers. Sometimes He says no. Sometimes He says wait. Sometimes He floods your soul with a resounding YES, in ways you would never imagine.

Next Wednesday is January 23rd, 2013. Ten years since the day God answered my prayer. Ten years since the day my dream came true. Ten years since the day God gave me my sister.

I’m going to spend the week with my sister. We will celebrate together. We will thank God together. And we will look forward to the next ten years, whatever they may bring. And I know God is smiling. Maybe He’s even laughing, because He knew…long before either of us were even born…He knew this day would come.

And He knew it would be good.

It’s A New Year, Ready or Not…

Happy New Year!

Are you smiling and nodding in agreement? Or did you just roll your eyes at me?  Yeah, I know. The sentiment gets old pretty fast. Some of you might be thinking “What’s new about it? I get up, go to the same job, work the same hours for the same stinking salary, come home, feed the family, help kids with homework, clean up and do it all over again tomorrow.”

I get that.

When my kids were in school, that’s pretty much how I felt. Each day seemed to be a replica of the previous one.  There was lots to do and very little time in which to do it. I admit to being a bit frazzled at the best of times, and yes, I am sure there were many days when I forgot about stopping and savoring the moments, because they’d pass by far too quickly.

Say what? Stopping and…who now?

Savor the moment. 

I know. It’s a hard concept to grasp. This idea of truly savoring life. But trust me, those little kids tearing around your kitchen right now, screeching at each other, spilling the milk and running in the opposite direction when you say five more minutes until school? They grow up.

All too soon, you’ll be sitting in a quiet, peaceful kitchen with only the dog for company, and you’ll wonder how you got here.

How did I suddenly end up with two adult children, a daughter about to getting married? This year. Yikes. Seems like just yesterday I was bawling my eyes out as I dropped her off at college. Those last few years went by at warp speed. Did I miss anything? Did I give it my all? Did I make myself available? Did I listen, really listen? Did I offer good advice or pray enough or…love enough?

I don’t know about you, but I hate those kinds of questions. I hate thinking that perhaps somewhere along the line, I dropped the ball. Perhaps I spoke an unkind word unintentionally. Or didn’t respond to somebody’s need. Or…well, you get it. The list can go on for miles. And yeah, I’m sure I screwed up last year. And the year before that. And the year before that one too.

I’ve come to accept the fact that I’m not perfect. And I’m okay with it. I’m done with trying to be SuperMom, SuperWife, SuperChristian. I’m me, and while I do live by a certain standard, I try not to knock myself too hard when I make mistakes. Yelling at yourself in the mirror gets ugly quick.

This is why I don’t make resolutions. I do set goals and I’ll try my best to meet them, but I won’t set myself up for failure. Like saying this year I will write three novels and become a NYT best selling author. Not gonna happen. I would like to complete a novel or two. I do have hopes and dreams for my writing, but honestly, I simply don’t know what the future holds. I can’t predict it and I won’t try. I do have some personal goals that I’d like to meet, but I have no way of knowing whether I will or not. So I will do my best to live in the moment. To savor each step along the way. To enjoy life to the full. And to be ready as best I can for whatever is coming around the next corner.

I’m determined to enjoy the journey.

That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Sure, there are some things I could probably change about myself. And I might have things I’m working on. But I’m not sharing them. God and I know what I need to focus on this year. Everyone on Facebook really doesn’t need to.

So as we launch into 2013, ready or not, I wish you peace. I wish you joy. Success, however you define it. I hope that you will take time each day to smile, to laugh, to love, and to savor the moments with the ones you love. I pray you too will endeavor to enjoy the journey.

Let’s roll.

A Heart, Not an Outcome by Amanda Dykes

Adoption can be a road etched with uncertainty for everyone involved. At every turn, hearts are on the line, and at every turn is a chance to take another step, to trust a little more, to love.
For my own story, I was on the adopting end. My husband and I knew going into it that nothing was guaranteed. We knew that adoption is just as uncertain as pregnancy, that minds can change, circumstances can change. But somewhere along the way, God began to show us: Whether our adoption road led us to an adoption or not, He’d placed us there for a reason.
We had to change our perspective to see things the way He did: He placed us there to serve someone, to come alongside a birthmom, to pray for her, to offer true and heartfelt love to her. Whether she changed her mind about the adoption or not, we were there for a reason.
Since that time, I’ve come to see that this applies to so very, very many different things in life. Whether you have been touched by adoption personally or not, I would be willing to guess that you have found yourself in a situation where the outcome was uncertain.

Can I offer that little bit of truth today as a seed of encouragement? Whatever it is you’re facing, whatever fragile hope, rest in His calling. If He has placed you there, it will not be in vain. That doesn’t necessarily mean it will end up the way you hope it will, but we can rest that no matter the outcome, when we obey Him, we are successful through Heaven’s lens. Even if we “fail” by the world’s standards, if we’ve listened to Him, put our hearts on the line when He’s asked us to, we have honored Him… and hopefully touched others, as well.
And what’s more, the God who called us to that place desires to give exceedingly, abundantly beyond anything we ask or imagine (see Ephesians 3:20). So while heartache may or may not be a part of your journey right now, just know that your Heavenly Father will, when we trust enough to wait and let Him, work all things together for the good of those who love Him (see Romans 8:28).
Recently, when we were in the midst of such a time, I heard this song on the radio written by Matt Hammitt for his baby, born with a severe congenital heart defect.
He tells his story here (bring the tissue, there will be tears…):

Matt Hammitt – Story Behind "All Of Me" by MattHammitt-Official

The song brought me to tears in my car, and I was again confronted with my heart’s struggle: Am I willing to put my heart on the line? Am I willing to obey, to travel this road, even if my own heart breaks?
Here’s the song:

In the places of the unknown, the unsure, the fragile… we have a rock to stand on. We have the promise of a Healer who will cradle us if we do break… a healer who was willing to give all for us. Take heart, friend, and take the next step. He has a purpose for you where you are.

Let’s discuss: Can you share a time in your life when God asked you to place your heart on the line, to walk in faith, to trust regardless of the outcome? I am so encouraged by such stories and would love to hear yours here.

Amanda Dykes is a storyteller who aches to share God’s grace. She is co-host of the Christian Fiction Book Club and would love to connect with you at www.AmandaDykes.blogspot.com

Finding Your Place

This week I’ve been blessed to be attending the Books & Such retreat in beautiful Monterey, California.

I’ll be honest, these last twenty-four hours, as I find myself somehow surrounded by a bunch of best-selling authors, I’ve wondered on more than one occasion how I got here. I’m feeling a little out of place.

Ever felt that way?
The fact is, God has blessed me with a wonderful agent, who happens to be part of a wonderful literary agency, which I am now part of. I belong. I have the contract to prove it. Yet…there’s this nagging voice inside my head that wants me to believe I don’t. Maybe it’s got to do with the fact that I’ve always been pretty introverted, painfully shy as a kid. School days were not a fun part of my life. I was not included in the cool kids’ group. Matter of fact I was often the butt of their jokes. For whatever reason, I got picked on. Of course I never stood up to them. Instead, that wound festered inside me, created an anger and confusion I didn’t know what to do with. And now, years later, I feel like I’m sitting at the cool kids table, waiting for someone to come along and ask me to leave. Tell me I don’t belong.

Having a sense of belonging is so vital to the adopted child. I was fortunate to be an only child, even though I didn’t always see it that way. I had no doubt I was loved because my parents doted on me. To say I was spoiled might be a stretch, but I certainly never lacked for anything. Even though I used to say I longed for a brother or sister, I liked being an only child, and I’m not sure I would have coped well having to share my parents with a sibling. I remember when we started taking in exchange students. On the one hand, I was excited, but on the other, I resented that other person in my house, taking my parents time and attention away from me. Insecure? You bet.

As I matured and came to an understanding of the deep-rooted emotions I’d only skimmed over the surface of growing up, I began to see how vital it was for me to find my place in this world. I was a young woman trying to be a wife, a mother, a daughter…but none of that made sense because I didn’t really know who I was. I knew who people said I was, I knew who I believed I was, but I also knew there was so much more to my story. So much I didn’t know. So much I wanted to know. And, as the years went on, I discovered these were things I needed to know.

I needed to find my place. I needed to understand where I came from to know where I was headed. That’s something you’ll hear me say a lot, but it’s so true. Once those pieces of my puzzle began to click into place, things I hadn’t previously understood about my personality started to make sense.

Once I found my place, found the answers to questions I’d been asking since I could voice them, I found peace. When you grow up staring at a blank page and wondering how to fill it, only able to check n/a for years after questions like does cancer run in your family, does anyone in your family suffer from depression…it feels pretty good to know the answers. But it’s more than that too. It’s knowing the unknown. Accepting it for what it is, for better and for worse. They say knowledge is power. For me, knowledge is freedom.

Ultimately, I discovered my place is right in the lap of my Heavenly Father. Without Him, none of this would be understandable. Probably not acceptable. Even now, there are times when I’m still not sure where my place is. If I slip out of His lap and forge ahead on my own, the questions come hard and fast.

Do I belong with this group of amazingly talented authors? Do I dare to dream the big dreams we’ve been encouraged to? Will I one day step into that place of knowing I truly do belong here and I haven’t walked into the wrong room? I don’t know. Maybe I will. I hope I will. It’s where I want to be, and I think it’s where God wants me to be. Time will tell.

What I’m learning is this – life is a journey. It’s like that winding, coastal road along Highway 1 that we drove today on the way to Big Sur. Sometimes the road is smooth and you can speed along with confidence. Sometimes it gets rough, with hairpin turns that you can’t navigate at high speed. You have to slow down. Take a breath. Don’t stop, but don’t rush it. Pray. Proceed with caution, enjoy the scenery because it is truly breathtaking It is a gift from God. But when you’re on that road, whatever you do, don’t look down.

What about you? Do you feel you’ve found your place or are you still in process? 

Celebrating Life’s Little Victories…

While it is hard to believe this picture was taken over a year ago, I still smile when I look at it. Because, if you can’t really figure it out, that’s me, signing a copy of my book, Yesterday’s Tomorrow. My book. For a “wannabe published” author, I have to say, yes, it’s everything you dreamed it would be. And then it’s not.

It’s not immediate fame and fortune.

It’s not the phone ringing off the hook with your agent presenting you with ten different movie deals and a bazillion dollar check if you write five more books just like that first one.

It’s not the end of all your hard work, blood, sweat and tears.

It IS humbling.

It IS exciting.

It IS validating.

BUT…and I hesitate here, because I know I’ve written so much about this before and I hate to bore you to death…but I do believe this needs to be said again. So my BUT here is simply this:

Having one book published does not mean you’ve made it.

The sad thing is, I was really hoping it did.

I was hoping that as soon as one book got out there, people would be clamouring for the next. Publishers would be hounding my agent for my next book, asking for sequels from the first, the movies deals…you know. All the regular Joe Schmo stuff we all dream about every night.

None of that happened.

As much as I can wholeheartedly say I believe Yesterday’s Tomorrow was meant to be published, I’m still trying to figure out why. Because if I worried about my sales figures, let’s just say right now I’d be wearing a very form fitting white jacket, in a lovely padded cell. And I doubt I’d be offered any wine to calm me down.

Yeah. I kind of let the whole Amazon rankings thing fall by the wayside a while ago. The funny thing is, as much as my sales figures suck, people still seem to like the book. I’ve done well in the contests I’ve entered, in fact I’ve just been told that my book finaled in The 2012 Reader’s Favorite Awards, in the Christian Historical category. That’s pretty cool. It’s not a place on the NYT’s Bestseller List, but hey…it’s a little victory. And I’m okay with that.

So do figures matter when I know people are enjoying the story? Maybe even getting a message from it?

I would love to say they don’t. But I know that isn’t true. If I was with a big publisher and my book bombed, I doubt they’d be taking me on to write another one.

A year ago, honestly, I probably had much bigger hopes and dreams for my book. Today, I’m learning to be satisfied with my here and now. Because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

I’m not sure what the future holds for me, Catherine West – Author. I pray I can continue to do this thing that I love – but I don’t know if that is my reality. Truthfully, I don’t know that in a year from now I will have another book with my name on it. And I don’t know that I won’t.

So for now, my choice is simple.

I celebrate the here and now.

I celebrate that I finaled in a contest that, at the end of the day, probably won’t mean that much. But for me, tonight, it does. Because it says that out of fifty or whatever books, mine was one of five that readers enjoyed most. And really, if I’m not writing books that readers enjoy, then I better stop writing.

This whole being published thing is an interesting journey, one I’m still trying to figure out as I go.

When I read about and look at pictures of the devastation in Colorado over the past week, my heart grieves. Who am I to even worry about my future as an author when my friends out there are worrying about homes, loved ones and where they are going to sleep tomorrow night?

They are faced with choices too. Grieve and cry “Woe is Me!” or stand tall and proclaim, “Blessed Be The Name of The Lord.” I am proud to say the latter is exactly their choice.

Blessed Be The Name of The Lord. 

So for now, for today, these are my thoughts.

I choose to celebrate the little things. Even when the world around me makes no sense.

I, like my wonderful brave friends in Colorado, choose to trust my God.

Blessed Be Your Name. 

Breathe!!

Okay, I’m back!! After plunging into edits on my latest novel over the past two weeks, I am finished! So ready for a break! Good thing summer is almost here, right?

First things first – I have to announce TWO WINNERS! The winner of Nicole O’Dell’s  The Embittered Ruby, is Elaine Stock. Elaine, let me know how to get in touch with you!
And the winner of my novel, Yesterday’s Tomorrow, is Caleb Rocke! Ditto Caleb.

So as you can imagine, it’s been a challenging time for me, trying to whittle down words and re-write scenes, all the while wondering why in the world I wanted to be a writer in the first place. It’s easy to get discouraged when you feel overwhelmed, isn’t it? I have to admit, I plunged in feet first and then had a major freak-out attack midway through. Suddenly the whole thing sucked. Fortunately for me, I have no problem having a good whine on Facebook, as you do, haha, and soon I had many friends and authors sending me oodles of encouragement. My agent told me to CHILL OUT. And I needed to.

I took a few days off. Sat in the sun. Went swimming. Walked. Played with the dog. All the while my brain was still processing what I had to do, but in a calm, logical manner. I began to believe what everyone said. I COULD DO THIS. When I went back to work on that book Monday morning, I had a plan and I put it into action. And I think I succeeded.

What do you do when you feel snowed under? Do you have a particular place to go to get away from it all? I love to look at the ocean and that’s usually where I spend my time complaining talking to God. He’s a pretty good listener, even though I’m sure He has that eye-roll down pat. One of the big things I got out of my time of angst the past couple weeks was a big reminder of Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  God breathed life into me some almost 47 years ago – He had a plan for me then. He has a plan for me now. He wants me to succeed. Isn’t that amazing? No matter how bad things get, no matter how out-of-control or overwhelmed I may feel, I know God’s got this. And He’ll help me get through.

All I have to do is breathe.